Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax

Bisquick

I actually made dinner tonight. I'm not sure when the last time I cooked was...before vacation I was busy at work, then getting ready for vacation, so I ate out alot that month, then with no water and the pets at my parents', eating out this week seemed sensible too. But I realized that someday I had to cook again, for health and finance.

So tonight I made a salad of cucumber and tomatoes (the tomatoes on my plant finally got red!) tossed with balsamic vinaigrette and a spinach-feta pie.

Specifically, it was an Impossibly Easy Spinach-Feta Pie, with the Impossibly Easy part being, I would guess, a trademark of General Mills. Even if they didn't register it, anybody raised on suburban cooking and ads in womens' magazines from the grocery store checkout will recognize Impossibly Easy Whatever as a one-dish Bisquick-based dinner. You throw your main ingredients (spinach and feta, chicken and broccoli, tuna and peas) in a pie plate, add a mixture of Bisquick, milk and eggs, and after it bakes it is sorta like a quiche.

I love these things. The oddest one had a filling of kielbasa, sauerkraut, and swiss cheese, and you used beer instead of milk in the Bisquick mix (I think it might have been the Impossibly Easy Oktoberfest Pie), but it was pretty good.

Actually, I love Bisquick in general. I hate to cook, but I do like eating. I have a killer banana bread recipe that only needs five ingredients: banana, Bisquick, egg, sugar, and oil. I'm not big on baking because I hate measuring, and cleaning up the utensils. Forget any recipe that starts with two mixing bowls. I think I found a way to make the bread using only the 1/4 cup measure...if only I could mix it right in the loaf pan.

So I am so not Betty Crocker. My co-workers were quite surprised to hear about my Bisquick fetish. One made sarcastic comments about a Crock Pot. (Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do have one, but I pretty much only use it for chili. It isn't that I'm anti-Crock Pot, I'm just not organized enough to be assembling dinner before I go to work.) But apparently my friends were surprised to find me, a divorced Yuppie who buys organic tv dinners, in the Bisquick & Crock Pot demographic.

Then I really surprised 'em. You know those Betty Crocker coupons on General Mills' boxes? They say something like "22 Points. Save on Houswares and Gifts!" Then in tiny type it tells you to write to Betty Crocker for a Free Catalog!

My grandmother had them in a drawer in her kitchen, all separated by point value and neatly secured with rubber bands. When I ask people about them, usually they don't know what I'm talking about (younger people) or they think Betty Crocker coupons went the way of Green Stamps.

Uh-uh. I save them. Moreover, I sent for the catalog and I use them. My silverware? Betty Crocker. My plates? 75% off! Frying pan? Scissors? Had a double points coupon that time!

I am totally Betty Crocker.